I am 22 days sober this time. I am actively pursuing my sobriety this time. I am putting as much energy in staying sober as I did drinking this time. I am no longer finding reasons to justify why I deserve to drink, no longer placing blame on those around me for my drinking. I am going to meetings, I have turned it over to my higher power, I got a sponsor and I'm working my steps-okay step, I'm still on step one. I always hated homework and was floored when I found out AA gave homework...wtf? Really?
I don't remember what it is like to be authentic-to practice honesty as a rule and not an exception. I know I was young when I lost my authentic self. I know I must face the past and forgive myself to move forward, but I'm not ready for that yet. It's too raw, it triggers to much right now. I'm so glad there are steps to this program. I know by the time I get to that step, I will have the support and tools I need to face it honestly and with an open heart and mind. I know that I will be ready to forgive myself for all of my transgressions, lies, destruction.
Today I move forward, letting go, breathing, and continue to peel away the layers that have brought me to this point. Today I will remain sober, one hour at a time and today I will love myself just a little more than yesterday. I will find that girl, the real Aimee, and i'm excited today for the journey to her!
Very inspirational! It's not easy to be so open but you're doing it and that is great.
ReplyDeleteSaw this link of the Booze-Free-Brigade. Stay strong!
Awesome post Aimee!!!!
ReplyDeleteMoi ( from the BFB )
Dude...homework does suck. LOL I think it might be less 'homework' and more 'here is a goal for you to work tword and your reason for not drinking right now'. Then you find more reasons, and more reasons. Ya know? I think it's a thing to keep you focused. Now you have this...I'm on you woman. You can call me any day, any time for support. The YOU that's been buried for a long time...is AWESOME.
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies for all the support!
ReplyDelete